Tags: globalism | humor | nationalism

Globalisation has survived the Great Recession, and life is getting stranger. But how much stranger can it get?

The EU is set to begin a takeover, yet the Middle East is getting tired of ripping themselves apart, Africa's a mess, China is rolling on, and Europe's fully embraced the Euro...

The world's getting smaller, and it smells funny, and I guess if we've got to share the planet with a few billion foriegners, we might as well laugh at them. Or maybe at ourselves. What's the difference?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:

1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay

2. Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time

3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs

4. If there's a war you can surrender really early

5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films

6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries

7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star

8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride

9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just sh*t in the streets

10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN:

1. You can have a woman president without electing her

2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it

3. You can call Budweiser beer

4. You can be a crook and still be president

5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything

6. If you can breathe you can get a gun

7. You get to be really obese

8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care

9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"

10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth

10a. When you're not.

10b. At all.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH:

1. Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah, doo-dah!

2. Warm beer

3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket

4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events

5. Union jack underpants

6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer

7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power

8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not

9. Ditto changing underwear

10. Beats being Welsh

10a. Or Scottish

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN:

1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes

2. Unembarrassed to wear fur

3. No need to worry about tax returns

4. Glorious military history prior to 400 AD

5. Can wear sunglasses inside

6. Political stability

7. Flexible working hours

8. Live near the Pope

9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair

10. Country run by Sicilian murderers

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH:

1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes

2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees

3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.

4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans

5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing

6. Honesty

7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls

8. You get to eat bulls' testicles

9. Gibraltar

10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CZECH:

1. Collective disresponsibility

2. Cheap plastic toilet seats

3. Chateau Rouge

4. Pay less than foreigners

5. Can pronounce 'r' with hacek

6. Skoda jokes

7. "I'm at work, therefore, I am working."

8. Smazeny syr

9. The beer is cheap!

10. Get to wear purple suits to workTOP

10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. Pardon!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:

1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN:

1. Chicken Madras

2. Lamb Passanda

3. Onion Bhaji

4. Bombay Potatoes

5. Chicken Tikka Masala

6. Rogan Josh

7. Popadoms

8. Chicken Dopiaza

9. Meat Boona

10. Kingfisher lager

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH:

1. Guinness

2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives

3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road

4. Pubs never close

5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on

6. No one can ever remember the night before

7. Kill people you don't agree with

8. Stew

9. More Guinness

10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub after a bout of sectarian violence.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN:

1. It beats being an American

2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors

4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?

6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise

7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge f*ckoff shotguns and cover your house in their skins

9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme

10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:

1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering b*stard that no civilised nation on earth wanted

2. Fosters Lager

3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you

4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket

5. Tact and sensitivity

6. Bondi Beach

7. Other beaches

8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals

9. Drinking cold lager on the beach

10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.