There, I let myself grow impolitic and perhaps a bit too sarcastic. To the detriment of both the circulation of this magazine and my own reputation, I lost all journalistic control, and committed what the late great C. L. Sulzberger once called the newspaper man’s greatest sin: I forgot who my daddy was.
So, after a not inconsiderable torrent of hate mail and several threats by advertisers to withdraw their generous sponsorship, I hearby recant my former public opposition to the indiscriminate use of cluster bombs and depleted Uranium.
I stand, as does the management and ownership of this patriotic journal, wholeheartedly behind whatever noble military adventures our civilian leaders are currently preparing, be it on the mountainous Korean peninsula or the verdant coasts of Grenada.
There are far more important goings ons in this town than stale debates about war and peace. The appearance of a new protest movement, Impuls 99, for instance, has rocked the public out of its apathy and sent the status quo reeling. Demanding such changes as “a better society”and “Sega for all,”these start-ups have thrown down the reformist gauntlet with the force of a thousand Havels.
They also, much like Blues Brothers 2000, have a catchy title. But while this ragtag collection of academics, journalists, and tram drivers clearly deserve our support, I must condemn their unfair incarceration of the Plastic People of the Universe, whom Impuls agents have arrested to add an aura of “authenticity”to their cause.
Every right thinking reader should join me in demanding the release of the Plastic People, whose atonal use of fiddles, keyboards and kazoos have inspired us all, in one life or another.
And then there are the Law School scandals, in which otherwise honest and ambitious students at CU are said to have paid large sums of crownage for the multiple choice answers to their exams. Although incredulous at first, I can now personally verify the verity of these charges, as I myself acquired a copy of the answers in exchange for a pair of Levi’s. Or was it a car?
In any case, Impuls 99 must include academic honesty on its list of Bad Things, as well as traffic congestion, unemployment, groups of touristic fraternity members, and some asshole named Weston Stacey who somehow keeps popping up on the Prague Post opinion page. Okay for now.