I’m in deep sh*t & I need your help. Here’s the deal. I’m a Canadian citizen (of Czech descent) living here in Prague for some time now. One day, I woke up in this really nasty sh*thole, nastier than a Texaco restroom in rural Louisiana, they call it Pankrac. It’s the jail man, a really disgusting , ex-bloc, orangutan ass of a place.

I was arrested because some dumbass paranoid called the cops on me thinking I defrauded him in a regular business deal. He got that “Canadian Imperialista run away and take all the money back to Canada” freak-out episode thing going on in his head, and by the time he realised he had made a mistake, I had been arrested and it was too late and impossible for him to retract the complaint under Czech “Law”.

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So now I’m in this dump with two other guys with really bad foot odour in a 2.5 x 5 metre cell with nothing to read! My Czech sucks and I wanted to ask a favor of you, could you somehow get a subscription thing going for me?

I used to pick up Think outside all the time, but they won’t let me run out to my favorite refreshment centre to grab a copy. I even promised that I would come back. Maybe you could have a few issues sent to me, it looks as though I’m here for the close-to-near future.

Maybe we could do some reportage type thing, what it’s like being a Montreal Canadians fan with a virgin asshole in a Czech prison. Everytime f*cking Pittsburgh loses, everyone here wants to kick my ass, and I’m sick of it. I’m going nuts, please help.

There was a guy here from Malta for five months for shoplifting some Gillette Mach III refills from Tesco. Man, I could tell you stories… The only thing the embassy sends me are 40 year old paperbacks about how Rouge Pioneers settled the f*cking Yukon in 1830.

I feel like Goddamn Billy Hayes in Midnight Express. Thank God there aren’t any fat homosexual guards here. (But then again, there are a lot of Moravian Hillbilly types). I hope you can/will help, if not, at least let me know-I’ll be able to re-read your letter a few thousand times.

Peter P–ska 24.1.67, P.O. Box 5, 140 57, Praha 4

PS: Please do not publish my name.


…sorry to run your name, but we thought we’d get you some correspondence this way. Your subscription is in the mail. Hang in there, friend, the revolt is on.

Dear Editor

Why do we have to see, in the letters section in a Prague expat mag, two Western white men arguing whether “PC” is dead? Don’t you understand the PC label was invented by old white men in the first place?

Ever notice anyone besides white men whining about it, by the way? If your name is Joe and not as in Joanne or Joshephine, you have nothing to say about a woman’s experience of harassment. It takes some twisted nerves and SHRUNKEN BALLS to write in questioning that woman’s simple report.

But what do we expect from someone who’s final authority on morality is a Harvard don, who still complains about affirmative action (it was dismantled by W’s dad and Clinton years ago) and who disses Roma problems in this country.

Sure he’s probably just being provocative, and as you said to a previous jerk, is “a pathetic lying f*ck of a man,” but how much catering to these people are you going to do? You know, no one forces you to print the entirety of every letter you receive.

Three columns for the ramblings of this f(l)ake in Brno – are you that hard up for filler? Use some editing skills to encourage those creeps so in love with themselves to spare us the details.

– Hattie Neff,

Hattie, thanks for writing.

It is because fine and thoughtful readers like you weren’t doing so before that the Brno Strangler was getting so much oxygen. Nobody forces us to print anything, but we run with what we get. This is a community paper, for better or for worse, and everyone is welcome to speak. Except Weston Stacey, who runs the American Chamber of Commerce here in Prague.

We really don’t like him.

Hallo THINK!

I read each month your magazine when I do business in Prague, but found myself disgusted with the opinion of Joseph Deignan of life in Moravia. Where does this krazy really live?

We in Moravia have a long tradition of hard work. We were the epicentre of the Austrian-Hungarian empire at the Industrial Revolution for engineering industry. Today we are in same position, with top EU firms coming here to be at the heart of new European Union when we enter in next 2 years.

We all work hard, we have good pay, and we do not have new Ukrainian workers since we made this new visa law 1 year ago. Get a real job mister Deignan, and read our Bible, the Prague Business Journal for some real facts on our region.

– Yours sincerely, pan Mirek Jan Cech <cechmirek@seznam. cz>

Whoah Mirek!

Mirek! Nobody could doubt the industriousness of your people, but the PBJ a Bible??!?! That statement is beneath contempt. Please remove yourself from the group and reflect on what you have said. And the new visa law stinks, by the way.


A chara,

Lest it ever be said that THINK is swaying on it’s pedestal of truth and authority, I am compelled to make 2 clarifications to the 2 slurs/WASPish screw-ups that were made in the introduction to the letters page of the last issue.

Firstly – We haven’t had a Queen in our beautiful country (Eire) since the halycon days of Queen Maeve of Connaught, our beautiful goddess and symbol of fertility, whose name means “she who intoxicates” and she passed away in 140BC – some time before your last edition.

Incidentally she was the one to freely cast “the curse of Macha” while thrashing the warriors of Ulster when she felt her PR image was under threat (she wanted the brown bull of cooley, ‘cos her bloke, Aillil, got himself a white one, see?). So, pozor, she’s a little sensitive to slurs!

Also, before you went to press (last ice age, actually), the news from the lime industry announced the formation of “an bhoireann” (the burren) -300 sq. km of karstic limestone in the west of Ireland, a true ‘Raj’ of intoxicating interest to botanists, archaeologists and ecologists.

Some curses for detractors abound there also! “I’d tell of a great Queen who stood amid a silence by the thorn until 2 lovers came out of the air with bodies made out of soft fire… (W. B. Yeats)” … in search of publishing accuracy, or for use with a cailin from Connaught next time in the James Joyce (aka Celtic History Academy).

– Joseph Deignan,

Queen Shmeen,

Joey baby, go deal with your detractors and drop some science.

Subject: EFL

Going through the back pages of Think magazine trying to separate the charmi
ng broken English of non-native speakers from the awesome illiteracy of the native speaking editors is becoming a main pastime during all the useless hours that us nonclubbers have on our hands.

On two facing pages we have two articles, one on a Crimea DJ clubbing bus, the other on a crime of DJ clubbing abuse.

By the middle of the first article (in which the eager public is offered a chance to put their lives, passports, and funds into the hands organizing a last minute caravan to the semi-settled nether regions Eastward), we’re pretty sure that the baffling word constructions are part of an admirable stint in English language land, a notion confirmed by the multinational name printed at the bottom.

This doesn’t excuse the publishers apparently relegating the errors to the “who cares” file, but at least we get tranceheads trying to quote Ken Kesey (who ended up divorcing himself from the rampant irresponsibility of his similarly deranged bus mates), and the invention of something “bellow indicated” (maybe a deep signifier?).

Now with the second article (wherein techno-doubters have their worst fears confirmed – that DJs are just playing entire CDs and pretending to mix songs, while still somehow being regarded as creative artists in their own right) we are apparently confronted with a much uglier animal.

Why, oh why, if a unfortunate magazine-connected being has an irrepressible urge to commit some view to paper, wouldn’t he at least run the article past someone not challenged in the basic word skills department?

How is it possible for a magazine to have so little care for the words on its pages? And is such floundering gobbledygook the effect on the brain of too much of that dang rave stuff, as fuddy-duddy techno-doubters also suspect?

– “dm”

Dear deutschmark:

Why get syntexual when the data is contextual? IT WAS FREE PR! WRITTEN BY A NON-NATIVE SPEAKER! OFFERING YOU RAW INFORMATION! AS IN: NOT LITERATURE! YOU ARE FUDDY-DUDDY INDEED! Now how about explaining why the native English speaking editors are “illiterate”? Or is your intelligence better suited to deconstructing the bulletin board at Laundry King?

Hello Think,

A traveler only am I, one without a car for many years, and the better for it. Your excellent piece on the future history of car use in Prague reminded me of a poem of mine published some years back, ’97 it was. But I think as food for thought it has quite a long shelf life, sans preservatives:

The Gulf Wa r/ whoever dissented / driving it / driving it

Thus I especially took heart to your mention of the collusion between tire, auto, and oil industries post WW2 in the U.S., in order to derail, sorry for the pun, the public transportation system. The Gulf War is a direct result of this collusion, and only goes to show how the policy of war is so often a corporate system.

I think Robert McNamara was a board member of Ford Motor Co. before he became Defense Secretary? Please double-check my question but… this tendency is seen right now in the Bush Administration! Corporate rule is indeed coming; we had all better beware.

– Regards, Doug M.

Pretty deep dude.

Like, wow. Corporate control. If you wanna know how deep it really goes, read David Icke’s book The Biggest Secret: The Book That Will Change the World.